Wanting Another Baby... Adoption?

So yes I hit 30+ and our youngest starts kindergarten next year. Hubby has a vasectomy and I want another child!


Our first followed fertility due to some complications on both sides and number two oh so quickly followed (20 months apart). We tried less permanent birth control including pills and IUD, but more medical complications and lots of emotions, so when the youngest hit 1, hubby went in for a consultation that ended less than an hour later with a vasectomy due to a cancellation. We didn't regret it at the time.

As the infant/toddler years are full of energy and changes life went fast and I rarely thought about the prospect of another child, but then the oldest started kindergarten and the youngest is registered to start next year and I'm realizing that the intention of having a child later was not about the perfect number of children, but about the people we would be and the commitment we'd be able to provide a child at this stage of our life.

So after some very stunted conversations around vasectomy reversal and realization that our past fertility issues are likely still issues and the procedure could very well be for not, we started talking adoption. We started reading bios of children needing homes here in CA and now it's all I think about.

I think my best parenting skill is supporting the kids in discovery and acceptance of themselves. We're very open-minded and we think we're raising the kids to be as well. So far, so good.

We're scheduled for an adoption information session next Thursday and are hoping to finally learn more about the children who need families. So far, internet research, bcadoption website, an official BCadoption packet, and two talks with assigned social workers have not given what I'd call a warm or cold response. All of the material talk about how badly kids need homes (more than 1000 kids in BC) - yet the bios are sometimes two years old and include less vital information than some animal adoption ads I've written! : ( The NPO manager in me wants to ask if they have any idea how poorly they're kids are being advocated for. That said, resources are likely slim and there are likely lots of people who inquire that never adopt.


For now we have all of our paperwork in order and are eagerly anticipating Thursday's session. I'm reading a book, "Big Steps for Little People - Parenting Your Adopted Child" - It's an interesting insight from an author who clearly thinks she has all of the answers from her very limited experience. A lot of very typical kid behaviours and issues pinned on the fact that kids are adopted and 'traumatized' - she does handle her children in a lot the same way we handle ours - lots of honest talk and consistent consequences, so I'm committed to finish it before I make a final assessment.


We've decided to go into this with clear boundaries - we do already have two amazing children, so it needs to work with what our family can reasonably and genuinely give of ourselves.


We recognize that we are a 'thinking' family - we enjoy museums, trivia games, reading, theatre, the arts, high level conversation, etc.
For this reason, we don't think we would be a good match for severe intellectual disability - this is not to say that a development delay such as speech would be a barrier.


We recognize that we are a peaceful and low-drama family and believe this is part of what we offer a waiting child.
For this reason, we are not interested in open adoption, but will consider semi-openness and of course raise the child knowing that they were 'hand-chosen' by us.


We are open to any ethnic background and any gender.
We are open to children younger than our youngest (under 4) - this is also good for development as children are much more set in who they are and what behaviours the display by age 6.
We are open to a sibling pair, but really think concentrating on one new child is best for us and them.
We are open to physical disability or irregularity.
We are open to hearing/vision impairment.
We are open to most behavioural issues.
We are of course open to the unknown, as you would be in any natural birth and will take each day as it comes.
We look forward to supporting any child that comes to us through to college, into independence and beyond.


We realize that this decision will change our children's lives (all of them) as well as ours considerably, and we realize that we possibly burden our extended family with the request to love someone differently and possibly 'bigger' than we have yet loved before... but don't we do that with every limb we add to the family tree - and Marshalls are certainly used to this!


Mom, you said you always wanted 14 - and we're working hard to get you there : )


Thank you for being interested in our journey - we look forward to your thoughts and comments.